Wow - was that really me.... Had my body become so big that i could not even recognise myself. Where was that fit person that used to play squad netball, basketball waterpolo and live at the gym. Certainly not in the photos my partner took of me this morning. HORRIFIC, DREADFUL, DEVASTATING AND HUMILIATING..
Obviously a lot of things had changed since then, but as I read through my Get real section I come to the conclusion - that I AM TO BLAME - no one else but me, I constantly have sabotaged myself with emotional eating. I constantly blamed my partner for eating ice cream or chocolate in front of me , but who put it in my mouth, who gave in to temptation.....ME AND ONLY ME TO BLAME.
Do I like the person I am today.....No , not at all. Do I want to like the person i will be in 12 weeks.... i know that i will LOVE that person. i would have the tools behind me.. "GET REAL" and 'BE SMART".
The me at the moment, is crabby, angry, hardly smiles and is constantly thinking of why I am so fat. The positive part.....I have finally reached out for help and want to become that better person, one who lives for her children and partner and loves them unconditionally and smiles all day long that her cheeks are sore by the end of the day. The person that will go out at the drop of a hat because i will have a wardrobe i fit into and not just tracksuits.
It just takes a little bit of determination and guts and with every small footstep I take I am feeling like I am one step closer to achieving my goal.
When i get on that plane in November for my daughters birthday I WILL BE PACKING A BIKINI. xo